What is unconditional love?

A FB friend posted a question earlier about what is unconditional love and this was my response:

"That kind of love is hard but worth it. Even when they piss you off, you know that what they did wasn't intentional. It's easy to forgive. You sometimes love them all the more. Others think your insane, but only you know when, where & to whom that feeling lies. It can hurt, but the pain is worth it".

As I was writing this, I thought about the people in my life (family, friends, ex-lovers, lovers, etc.) and my unconditional love for them. The people that are close to me know what my love is for them and to what depths I will go to make sure they are ok, happy and safe. But what happens when you don't get that same type of dedication? Does the unconditional love just go away.

You must first realize that the word "love" doesn't always me a romantic sense. I have males in my life that in no way shape or form do I feel any type of romantic attraction to. But I truly love them all the same. I know that if I needed a shoulder to cry on they would be there. I know if I needed them to hit the road and help me out, they would be there. And whatever I can do, I have their back.

The same for my close female friends. I love them like my sisters. I do not have a biological sister, but if I did, they would be the ones that I would want. We don't talk daily, but when we do, its like we talked an hour ago.

Do the ones that you love unconditionally piss you off? Oh yes they do. But the greatest thing about unconditional love is that its real. Its not fake. It doesn't come and go because mistakes happen. No matter what, it transcends through time without stopping.

I've slowly learned that there are some people that just can't receive that type of love from you. They weren't meant to have it. But those that are, are forever a part of your life in some, way, shape or form. And that's what makes how you live your life so much better.

The people who know I have an unconditional love for them won't have to wonder about this post. Those people won't question whether I am talking about them. They know.

So to answer the question, no it never goes away. The way that people show their unconditional love is not the same. I'm just so happy and blessed to have special people in my life that have held me when I need to be held and checked me when I needed to be corrected. My life is grand!

I give in...

People who know me know I am a fun loving person. I smile and joke a lot. I like to have a good time. No I am not the life of the party, but people know I love to have a good time. Most people who have worked with me know that I essentially try to make the best of my job. It has its good points and definitely its bad points, but I am happy to be employed.

But that doesn't take away from the things that go on in my mind emotionally and physically. Today, I think I am feeling at my lowest point. I actually was ready to grab my purse, take the car keys and drive off and not look back. I wanted to get in the car and just drive... nowhere in particular... just drive off. I've never really had this feeling, but I am stressed and mentally drained and I don't know how much longer I can do this.

When I come home, the next phase starts over. Whether its school, work, football practice... my day doesn't end until I maybe get 4 hours of sleep. I wake up at 4:30 just so that I can try to get more work done! I don't think I've had 8 hours of sleep in months! And I know people say "well you have the weekend" but I don't. Because whatever I can't do during the week is done in those 1 1/2 days! And by the way, my body wakes up at that time naturally because I have gotten so use to it.

It sucks not to be able to come home to someone and get a hug and just say "how was your day". I don't have anybody who actually cares about how my day goes. It just seems that I do so much for everyone else (including my job). When will my time come for someone to want to take care of me.

Two weeks ago I was in the happiest state I have been in awhile. I smiled everyday. I felt like I was cared for. At this moment I feel like Alice in the rabbit hole and I don't know how to find my way out.

I'm stressed, tired, feel unfulfilled and feel unloved. So unlike who I am and I don't know how to get out of it. I just needed to vent. Again, no one is around to listen.

Time

I am learning that all things happen in due time. Time is so abstract. When it does occur, you just need to be ready.

I have never been a true fan of time. Maybe because in the past I have wanted things when I wanted them. So when they haven't come at that time, I just regress.

But time has shown me that it is on my side. It's ok to be patient. It's ok to step back a little and let things come into fruition. My time is not His time. And in many ways that's a good thing.

So now I am enjoying time. I look at things in a whole new perspective. It is a beautiful thing.

Sharing your view

There is one thing about going through a trial, you are really able to give a testimony of how you weathered the storm. Sometimes while you are still in it.

Over the past week, I have encountered so many people who have heard me cry, but have also encouraged me to stay steadfast and know that God will make a way out of no way. And the waiting has gotten a lot better. I don't sit and wonder anymore. I know things are happening in their due time. This point in my life is about working on me.

It's funny how this time last week, I was just existing. It was business as usual and I knew where things were going. Although God showed me what was going to happen I fought it by not accepting it and moving towards making it better.

Someone told me today that you must embrace your storms. I used to just read those words and say "whatever" because I had never felt convicted about anything before. I stand here today saying and agreeing that I am enjoying the storm. Why? Because I am growing. I know what the end is going to be even when others don't. This is my time to grown into loving myself as well as my relationship with God and what He has for me.

One of my favorite films is "The Matrix". In the Matrix, Leo learns that he is not "the one". He is compelled to tell Morpheus that he has made a mistake and he should keep looking. Before he can tell him Morpheus tells him that what the oracle told him was for him and him alone. He also made a profound statement. He said "Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path".

Although I know where the path will lead, I don't know the journey itself. That's what I am on now. And I am appreciating every moment of it! I am finding out things about myself that I never knew before. I am becoming a better woman. A better woman for myself, my son, my family, my friends, my future children and the man whom God has positioned for me to be with. Somebody might think its crazy to think about the future, but I don't. I embrace it. I embrace it because I am standing on God's promise to me. He showed me and I believe Him. He hasn't failed me yet. Why should I not believe Him now?

So again, I love sharing my views on my test and trial. He helps me to get through. It helps me when I can encourage my cousins, my brother, my friends to hold on. I have blessed someone today and all I can do is smile! Enjoy everyone.....

Getting Better

The days are getting better. I haven't shed tears in awhile. Do I miss him? Hell yes I do. But I know now is the time for growth and healing. It's harder on days or at moments when something happens and I can't wait to tell him some good news. But I can't. Not the right time. I've been really blessed this week. I pray he's been blessed too.

They say time heals all wounds. I'm pretty sure it does. I just try to stay steadfast in my faith and what God has told me will happen in this situation. All things happen for a reason and for the purposes of His glory. I truly believe this. I smile when others think I shouldn't. When others say I hope it gets better, I say "I KNOW it will get better. God said it".

Trust and Patience......

The pieces are coming together

This year long journey is going to be tough. I will be examining myself and what God has planned for me.

"Sometimes things have to be broken in order to make them whole"... I stand by this statement. Saying goodbye doesn't necessarily mean the end. It's the beginning of many things. For me, it's the beginning of me moving towards identifying who I am and what God's purpose is for me. Learning to truly love me and know that I am worthy is essential in this process.

Another thing I am learning about is true faith and trust. Like I've stated before, God showed me the things that were going to happen. I didn't want to believe it because I thought I could fix it. God took control when I didn't want to let go.

With that, He is saying "Be still and listen". So that is what I am doing.

I still think about him. I wonder if he's ok. When I discover new things, I want to call and tell him and we can laugh. Right now we can't. I will have to wait.

I trusted him with everything in my soul. God wants me to trust Him with that same intensity. I hear you God, I hear you. I am learning to truly trust you and have faith through everything that comes my way.

I'm not sad. I'm happy. I'm excited that I am finally figuring out what my purpose is. I'm discovering me. After 35 years, I am discovering me. And it feels great! I know when I come out of this valley I will be a better person. Still loving, but with so much more to offer.

A New Beginning

Yesterday should have been one of the hardest days of my life. In some ways it was. But in the greatest way it was the best day of my life.

When you break up with someone, there is hurt. You ponder the if, whens and thy why. You wonder if it was those last words you said, or if it was the things that you did. You wonder if the significant other just didn't feel the same way you did. And you wonder if the other person thinks about you in those lonely hours and wonders if they made the right decision.

I can say at this point in my life the right decision was made. It wasn't made by me, but in my head I knew it was something that I should have done. God just forced it, like He always does when I'm slow to listen to him.

I wish him nothing but the best. I have no ill will towards him. He is a good person and he is a great friend. We are not friends in the conventional sense as it is now, but I still pray for him and hope that what he needs he will find in his life and through God's grace and mercy.

You always wonder what are the next steps when you are moving out of a relationship with someone. I know what my steps are and I hold no bitterness. I am truly at the point where I can work on me and not rely on others views of me.

In my spirit, I know why this happened and I know that I will come out better. If I ever meet him again, I want to be able to say thank you. Thank you for showing me what happiness is and what friendship with a mate could be.

I don't know if we will ever talk again. Right now we can't. Right now we both need time to heal and move towards our purpose in life. I don't know if he will ever read this but if it's meant God will put it on his heart to do so.

Know that I am good, loved and favored. Thank you for everything!