Goodbye to the old....

This is my first blog. But it is only fitting that I begin as I am saying goodbye to '08.  So many things have happened in 2008 that I just don't know where to begin.  Some of been good and there have been others that have been bad.  I started '08 with a brand new truck and began the process of buying my first home. That was definitely the highlight.  By mid year I had a head on collision which totaled my truck!  Yes I am HAPPY to be alive. But this event started the trifector that had one thing happen after another.  I ended up leaving my job, but finding a better one.  I took one high car payment and got a lower one.  I moved from one house and found a better one with more features.  Too the naked eye these look like blessings in disguise.  It took me awhile to realize that these events only occurred to make my life better and easier.  So on these notes, I am grateful.  But there is one area of my life where the same events happen over and over again; my love life.

About a month ago I met this guy. I really didn't pay too much attention to him when he said hello. You see we work together (I know big mistake).  I have been down that road before (totally different story) so when Mark (name changed) kept saying hello I thought he was just trying to be nice.  A few weeks went by and Mark asked for my #. I gave it to him just to see what he was about.  I mean his flirtation was VERY strong. He would say, "you are so beautiful". If he asked me how I was doing, I would say "fine" and he would respond "yes you are".  Yes he laid it on thick.  Again, I didn't pay him too much attention because I didn't believe a word he was saying; yet.

So a couple of weeks go by and we are talking on the phone everyday. I'm talking morning, noon and night.  He seemed like a very nice guy and it was apparent through the conversation that the both of us were attracted to each other.  But knowing me and my "timing" with men, I knew the ball would be dropping soon.  Well it did. One night while we were talking he proceeds to tell me what he has been "wanting" to tell me for awhile: he has a "friend". I was DEVASTATED... Only thing I could think of was why is this happening to me again!

I didn't pursue this guy. I didn't ask for his number. He tried to get with me.  And I just got played again. He tried to tell me that he wanted to be with me, but he was in a "situation". I really didn't want to hear it.  So after continuing the conversation for a few days more I did what I knew was best, I let him go.

Which leads me to what I am doing to usher in '09: Letting go!  For years I have been holding on to past heartache and allowing it to take over my life.  I have come to a point in my life where I do not trust men and I am weary of anyone who approaches me so I close people out of my life.  I see other people and what they have and say to myself "why don't I have what they have". I truly could write a book about the experiences I have had with the men of this world!

In 2009 I am going to make the commitment to work on me and begin loving me more.  I am not going to sit here and say that this is going to be easy. I know it is going to be hard.  There are going to be times that I trip and mess up.  But I am committed to picking myself up, dusting myself off and trying again.

I'm getting into these unsuccessful relationships for a reason. At this time I don't know why. I believe I have already met my husband, but neither one of us knows it yet.  Hopefully in 2009 I will have grown enough in my faith and self love to know who he is and why I was destined to go through what I am going through.

Till the next blog.....

Andrea