Tumbling Down

I'm sitting here at 12:45 a.m. crying my eyes out because it feels as if everything that I thought was going well, has just caused me to tumble about 20 feet to the floor.  I had a wonderful weekend.  I spent time with someone that I was truly beginning to care for and I thought was beginning to care for me.

Today, that all changed.  I wonder why I'm always the one who gets left in the dust?  This is one of the reasons why I just don't want to date anymore.  The heartache is just too much for me. I'd rather just be alone then have to deal with one failed relationship after another.  

I put on the strong face and smile and make people think that everything is ok.  But deep down inside I am hurting.  I don't trust anyone: male or female.  I think men just want to use me and woman just want to hate.  In the end, I'm always the one to get hurt.

I keep asking God, why do I have to be the one that is always tested. Why do I have to be the one that always has to endure the pain of heartache.  When is someone going to feel pain over me?  

This is really getting to be too much for me. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.....