The summer is my time to reflect.
I had an interesting conversation with a very good friend today. We talked about having children. This friend expressed the concern that was there about being a parent. Me being a parent I tried my best to reassure my friend that they will be a great parent because I see how they interact with kids they work with.
It got me to thinking: Am I a good parent?
I had my son when I was 24.. young and dumb. I thought I was in love, but it turned out that it was nothing but infatuation. I know that now. But my strong desire for this man had me messed up for years.
Even though that relationship didn't work out, I wanted my son. I was ready to be a parent. But I didn't realize how hard it would be. There are days I just want to curl up and cry because it is stressful at times. Especially because he's a boy.
I'm a hard parent. And that is only because I don't have a man in my life that is helping me to raise him. I need my son to understand that the actions of his father are not what men are suppose to do. But at the same time I want my son to know that I love him and would do anything for him.
That's why I sacrifice sleep so he can go play basketball. That's why i make sure he does all his work and give him chores. That's why I make him get off the video games when he plays them too long.
I have seen what giving a kid too many options has done to them when they grow up and I don't want that for my son. I don't want to raise a momma's boy.
I know I am making some mistakes. But I'm raising someone to be a man and I don't know what being a man is. I ask God to guide me all the time because I am doing my best.
I always thought that one day I would have more kids. I'll be 35 next year and I am at the point where I am starting to realize that this may not be an option for me. I may not get married, I may not have more children naturally. I am still thinking about adopting a child. There are so many black children out there who need a good home.
But for now, I am working on not being too hard on my son, but still having a stern demeanor. He needs to know that life is not an easy thing, but I want him to enjoy his childhood. Hence, I am buying him a dog for his birthday! Anybody who knows me knows that I said I would NEVER have a pet. Especially a dog. But my son gets straight A's and is a really good child. I can do that. I can make that sacrifice.
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