Coming of age

Yesterday I went to a 30th birthday party. I was very happy for my friends because turning 30 is a huge milestone. For some, 30 means you are "really" a grown up. I remember when I turned 30. I didn't do a big party, but I had a good time. Back then, I felt like 30 was my time to start over; get past mistakes that I had made in my 20s and move forward. It was my time to renew. I had all these plans of things I wanted in my 30s.

Now I am 7 months away from turning 35! Another milestone.... and now another time to reflect. Part of me is very excited to turn 35. Another part of my wants everything to slow down. I feel like time is just going and going and I can't keep up. I sometimes feel like my life is passing me by!

There are so many things I want to do or have that I have come to realize that may not be in the cards for me. But will I be ok with that? I have to be.... I have to learn to be content with what life deals me. Right now that is hard. I am such a go getter. In the past, when situations weren't going my way, I created situations to make things turn in my favor. In some instances, this was not the best choice.

I try not to cry about it, but sometimes the fear of not knowing what life has in store hits me. I have a lot of fears, but I try not to think about them. So I just keep smiling, telling everyone "I'm good" and look forward to my 35th birthday. Hopefully when I reflect this time, I can stop trying to set goals and just enjoy the fact that I am alive and blessed. Only God knows what is in store. Not knowing is painful, but I have to have faith that He is preparing me for something that is "the best thing I've ever had"..... I'm looking forward to that day!