When the dreams are not what are meant to be.....

What happens when you have the lost the will? What happens when the enthusiasm you had for something just isn't there anymore? What do you do when the thing you wanted the most, you no longer have the desire for anymore? What do you do? Where do you go?

I think I, like several people I know, are at that crossroad in my life. Life is just getting too complicated. It just seems as if you take 5 steps forward and 7 back. There doesn't seem to be any relief.

I have been going through a lot of things over the past month and I have really been keeping it to myself. I don't think anyone would understand the struggles that I have been going through or would really seem to care. As I look at some people, it just seems that everything is grand. I just wonder why God allows for things to continue to happen and I have to be this "strong" person. Why must I always be the strong one?

Sometimes I just want to give up. I get tired of fighting. I remember a sermon I heard a few weeks ago that stated that whatever is going on we must not get tired. Not knowing what the future holds is tormenting. Sometimes it seems that I am fighting just to get ready for another battle and another and another. When will the battles end? When will I stop climbing the mountains and get to enjoy the valley?

I am at the point in my life where I don't know about figuring out my purpose. I am asking God to remove the thoughts from my head that He knows are not in His plan. If I am not going to be married, I ask him to remove that want from me so I can move forward. If there are no more children to be in my life, please remove that want. If my career is what it is, just help me to see that so I can move forward. The struggle to figure out my purpose is taking a lot out of me. Especially at this point in my life. I'm jsut really tired. And there is no body out there that can understand what I am going through.

At some point in time, I hope and pray that I can figure this out. Life for me is pretty hard right now. But I continue to smile and hide what is really going on. I just don't know where to begin in my journey to figure out my purpose. But I pray that through this journey I don't lose my faith. I need that to survive.