Mood

My mother used to tell me all the time I was "moody" growing up. I didn't believe her. As an adult I have to say that she may have been correct. I get to the point sometimes that I just want to shut the world out and don't want to talk to anybody. I cry, sleep, work 24/7; just to keep my mind off of anything that may cause me discomfort.

And it doesn't have to be anything in particular. The slightest thing can change my mood. I shouldn't let things like that get to me. But being the emotional person I am, the little things can mean a lot. I try not to show it at work, but sometimes it gets the best of me.

The disappointments seem to be coming more and more these days. I didn't get to home for the holidays (I always do that). The person I was looking forward to spending time with ended up not being able to (a real let down). This past holiday weekend was a bust for me (tears are dropping).

So what do you do to get past the disappointment? I can look on the bright side and know that this is not the end of the world. There will be other holidays; there will be other visits. But not seeing the people that I miss the most in my life didn't make this weekend grand. Hopefully the coming weeks will turn out better. I pray that they do.

Is being alone really all that great?

Or is it just a fantasy that people want to tell you to make you feel better. Today was one of the days that I just needed to talk. But guess what? No one was there. Not my best friend, not my family, nobody!

Its in those moments that I wonder what my future holds. It sucks like hell!!!! Work can drive me crazy that I feel that I'm not at the right place. Coming home to the same routine every day can wear me down too. I'm just ready for the excitement. But has it gone? Is this what I have to look forward to?

I'll be 35 in a few weeks. I don't feel 30. Shoot I remember like yesterday turning 30. But as time goes on I still think that I am missing out on things. A lot because I am alone.

I always write and contemplate about what the future holds. I certainly don't know. But I am in that moment when I start to question if I am taking the right path. If there are things or people that I should let go of because they don't really have my best interest or are holding me back from things that are going to make me better. I really don't know.

But today, I was alone. Left to my work, my womanly duties and the sense of not knowing where I belong. :-(