Where am I?

I have never been married. I don't really know if I ever will. Not that I don't wan to. Just that I haven't been placed in the position that would allow me to make that step. But I can say that I have fallen in love.

Every time love has come my way, I reach that awkward point where the communication that was so rich and pure in the beginning, now feels like a runaway train that you can't catch. There comes that point where the person you have fallen for may not totally be in the same place as you. Text are not returned immediately. There isn't that rush to make sure you are ok. They don't respond to your twitter feeds. So what do you do? Do you give up? Do you say well I guess he's just not that into me anymore? Do you give it some time and try to rebuild?

I don't have the magic answer. I wish I could conjure up that special formula that will tell me the secret as to how so many other women are able to keep their mates through the good and the bad. For some reason or another I haven't found it. I always end up on the end of the aisle that sits and cries because things are not going according to plan. Or maybe they are.

I believe in God. I believe in destiny. I believe that there is always a reason for people to find each other and sometimes leave. I believe in purpose. Where I fall short is realizing what it all means. I might interpret one thing and it totally mean another.

So now I am in my questionable mode. I don't know why he doesn't want to spend time with me. I don't know why he doesn't return my tweets or texts like he used to. I don't why I sit and cry. but I do.

Now I just want to take some time for me. No Facebook or Twitter. Just time away from the outside so I can focus on the inside. I don't even think anybody would notice. But I need this time to focus on me because I am losing myself. I'm losing myself in a world where I don't even love me anymore. I love someone more than I love me and that is a no no.

I pray God gives me some understanding as to what I am going through and why. I don't want to leave. I'm not going to leave. I just need some time to understand.