Where am I?

I have never been married. I don't really know if I ever will. Not that I don't wan to. Just that I haven't been placed in the position that would allow me to make that step. But I can say that I have fallen in love.

Every time love has come my way, I reach that awkward point where the communication that was so rich and pure in the beginning, now feels like a runaway train that you can't catch. There comes that point where the person you have fallen for may not totally be in the same place as you. Text are not returned immediately. There isn't that rush to make sure you are ok. They don't respond to your twitter feeds. So what do you do? Do you give up? Do you say well I guess he's just not that into me anymore? Do you give it some time and try to rebuild?

I don't have the magic answer. I wish I could conjure up that special formula that will tell me the secret as to how so many other women are able to keep their mates through the good and the bad. For some reason or another I haven't found it. I always end up on the end of the aisle that sits and cries because things are not going according to plan. Or maybe they are.

I believe in God. I believe in destiny. I believe that there is always a reason for people to find each other and sometimes leave. I believe in purpose. Where I fall short is realizing what it all means. I might interpret one thing and it totally mean another.

So now I am in my questionable mode. I don't know why he doesn't want to spend time with me. I don't know why he doesn't return my tweets or texts like he used to. I don't why I sit and cry. but I do.

Now I just want to take some time for me. No Facebook or Twitter. Just time away from the outside so I can focus on the inside. I don't even think anybody would notice. But I need this time to focus on me because I am losing myself. I'm losing myself in a world where I don't even love me anymore. I love someone more than I love me and that is a no no.

I pray God gives me some understanding as to what I am going through and why. I don't want to leave. I'm not going to leave. I just need some time to understand.

It's amazing

It's amazing how one person can change your whole world. How when you hear that person's voice a smile comes on your face that you think will never go away. When you're in that person's presence, your world seems to be safe and secure. Whether you're near or far, you always think about that person and only want the best for them.

I feel that way about someone. And I am loving every minute of it.

He makes me happy! When we talk, even if its a brief moment, I'm happy because I know he's ok. If I ask him to do something for me he will, even if he really doesn't want to. I know he does this for me because he generally cares and wants me to be ok. He challenges my intellect. I see or hear him doing things and I say "damn, I need to step my game up". I have great conversation with him. We can talk about anything! He's sexy as hell and he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I do what I can to make sure he knows that he is a great man and that his purpose in this world is great!

Many people don't find that kind of person often. It is rare. Even thoughs who are married and in committed relationship cannot truly say that their mate is the kind of person that I have. I treasure him, daily. I know in my heart that God brought us together for a reason. All has not been revealed yet, but I am patiently waiting to see. He is my best friend, lover and someone who will be in my life for a long time to come.

Everyone should have the opportunity to feel something so amazing!